Like the typical pre-teen I thought that when I reached my 20s I’d start my career, get married and have kids, live in a nice big fancy home. But here I am, turning 24 years old and all those things seem so far away. Luckily I am not alone, but that doesn’t mean it still doesn’t get to me.

As the years went on and I realized how “young” 20 year olds actually are and how little put together their lives are, I re-adjusted my own goals in life. Recently I’ve learned that I am only setting myself up for failure when I give myself deadlines for when to reach goals or certain milestones. I still have my goals but I am no longer giving myself a timeline because the honest truth is that I did not expect to be where I am in life right now.

Your 20s have certain milestones associated with them. When you finally turn 20, you’re out of your teens (“I beat teen pregnancy”), 21 you can drink legally, 22-23 finish school and graduate, 24-26 start your career, 27-29 get married and start your family. 30, why aren’t you married? Why don’t you have kids? (“From Angela: and if you don’t have a family by the time you’re 30, be prepared for all the questions of why”)

Here I am, turning 24. Not getting married anytime soon (maybe I can dive into this on a later blog post) or having kids. Which I am not too surprised at, I never really wanted to have kids at a young age. Though the one thing that has taken me aback, the one thing that is making me feel like a failure is the fact that I have yet to start my “career.”

I’ve known I wanted to work in Journalism since I was in elementary school. I’ve jumped between a lot of specific things since then. My passion lies in broadcast media, now as I’ve been exposed to the multitude of jobs behind a single news broadcast and news organization I am a little lost as to what path to take and where to go. I could point and put the blame on that for as to why I am not working full time in broadcast news.

I moved to New York City a year ago, which was huge of me. I told myself that I would only stay at my retail job for a year, that it was just a cushion until I found a job. Yet here I am, still working the same job, hating it more and more each day, and having no luck in find a job or even landing an interview anywhere.

It is very discouraging and I feel like I’ve let myself down. It’s a dark place to be in, though I am trying really hard to stay positive. It is easier said than done.

I moved to a city where I was expecting to be surrounded by people my age who had their whole lives together, but instead I’ve surrounded myself with people older than me who are in the same place that I am. Which makes me feel better about it all. I’ve always identified myself as very independent and as someone who’s somewhat rushed through life. But the advice one of them gave me was that “rushing through life is going to hold you back.”

This past month has really gotten to me, I am at a point where I am really demotivated, I feel lost, I feel like I’ve made a dumb mistake moving to New York City, I feel unwanted, there are a lot of negative, anxiety induced feelings running through my head. Turning a year older isn’t helping.

Younger me is proud of myself for living in New York City, but the thought that she is also disappointed that I am not living my “dream life” with my “dream career” lingers in the back of my head.

Our generation is becoming more accepting of the fact that some of those milestones I mentioned earlier will come later on in life. Because I haven’t reached those milestones I set for myself when I was younger I am learning to live in the moment and be grateful for the small things in life.

The bright eyed me thought that I would move to New York City, find myself my very own Chuck Bass or Mr. Big (don’t worry I am still waiting for him), land an amazing job and work my way up the corporate ladder all within a year or two. Though who’s to say all that won’t happen year two of living in New York City, but I am learning to not be too hard on myself.