“I’d rather lose for what I am, than win for what I ain’t”

- Kacey Musgraves

Throughout my life, I have always had people who, for the lack of a better word, hate me. They wanted to, and might still want to, see me fail.

Those people don’t matter.

The ones that matter are the ones who have shown me unconditional support no matter what. The ones who know the real me and know where my intentions lie.

Truth be told, I am not the most friendly person around, but that doesn’t mean I’m a mean spirited person. I’ve been told I come off as intimidating, brash and assertive, which translates to b*tch. I own that about myself. While some people may see it as a negative trait, I see it as a positive. I see it as a strong woman who knows what she wants, gets things done, and doesn’t care about who or what might get in her way.

People do not like that and they will try to bring you down because of it.

These past few months have been hard, the worst of it being this past week. All because of a job, I lost my self confidence, I lost my ambition and I lost who I was. For a week straight, I cried every single day, and the worst part of it all was that I was afraid to tell anyone how low I felt, I was so lonely. I became the worst version of myself, I hated her and I’m sorry for anyone that had to deal with her.

I felt lost for a long time but I finally have some sense of clarity.

I am finally free from a job I hated. A job that brought out the worst in me. A job that tried to make me somebody that I wasn’t. A job that made me feel like I wasn’t good enough and that I won’t amount to anything. As I walked away for the last time, I also walked away from all my problems.

The amount of support and love that I have received since then was more than I could have ever imagined and made me feel so much better about the situation that I am in. People shared their admiration for me and told me that I deserve better, and for the first time I actually believe them.

I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m excited to find out.

And I will never again apologize for who I am.