On Confidence
I have never felt as confident as I do now. I feel like I have finally found the self acceptance that I’ve been seeking for so long and it feels good.
There are a few factors that have contributed to this but one day I had the realization that the key is ~delusion~ I’m kidding, kind of.
I have learned to accept myself for who I am, the confidence that I am exuding is from within because I realized that when you seek external validation, while it is easy to attain, it is also easy to lose. The easiest example being the validation we seek from social media.
You should instead seek that validation within yourself, because once you’ve found that confidence, only you can take that away from yourself.
Now this doesn’t mean that I don’t have my moments of low self esteem, I still do but those moments don’t linger as much as they used to.
There are a couple of contributing factors in this surge of confidence. One of them being, and I hate to admit this, I really hate to admit this, MEN. Yes, that’s right I’ve let men give me confidence, but let me explain. One of the bigger realizations that I’ve had about men is that they are easy, like super easy, like they get turned on by anything really. I’ve always known that certain men have an affinity for my type of body and look, but it wasn’t until this past year where I’ve realized that it’s maybe more men that I’ve thought.
The biggest contributing factor though comes from three men that I was intimate with, all within the span of 2 months. They were able to see a “beauty” in me that I’ve never really seen in myself, and it all happening around the same time helped ingrain that within myself. It wasn’t until one night that I was looking at myself in the mirror and was like “huh I do look really good” and I haven’t looked back.
The second thing that has contributed to this surge in confidence has been TikTok. I am inundated with videos of women talking about themselves in such confident ways, and they talk about themselves so highly that I start to believe it in myself. What I have taken away from those videos is if you can’t go around thinking you’re the hottest person in the room, why should anyone else think that? That’s where the delusion comes in, you really just have to go around thinking you’re the hottest person around and soon enough you’ll start to actually believe it.
The last thing that has helped me out, and this is something that’s been around in my life for a long time, is my mother. I’m very grateful that she has been so body positive my entire life with me, even if she wasn’t the kindest to herself. I’ve seen her go through diets and try to lose weight but when it came to me, she always made sure I loved my body the way it was. I remember when I was in high school and I was gaining weight, which was just me going through puberty, I hated myself and wanted to be skinny. She would always tell me I’m crazy and I have a nice body, which of course my bratty teen self didn’t believe and ignored her. Looking back, I’m glad she always encouraged me to accept myself the way I am.
Now, there are other parts of myself that I need to work on but for now I’m glad that I have this whole loving myself the way I am thing down.
Remember, once you believe you’re the most beautiful person around, nobody can take that away from you.
